Wednesday, 3 August 2016

How To Be Awkward In Public - Explained by Sam and Dean Winchester




Character Commentary is a series created on Sunset's blog, where she enlists the assistance of various beloved characters from literature/television/reality to explain the mysteries of the universe. She hopes that the fangirls don't swallow her whole for blatantly taking advantage of their beloved cinnamon rolls, and can excuse the excessive sarcasm.


Socialisation is the key to humanity's existence. Without it, we all would inevitably revert back to that primal, Neanderthal-like state of communication in which we do nothing but grunt and point. (Or, if emojis keep gaining popularity, we may be approaching the age of Emoji-Hieroglyphics).

And I am fully aware of this. I know that it is damn near impossible to walk down the street and avoid socialising with some sort of human being (or dog). Where I live, there's always someone who claims to have last seen you when "ye were on'y a wee baba", and so then you have to smile and laugh politely while internally screaming that you do NOT know this person in the slightest.


 
 
If you haven't guessed yet, I'm not the most adept person when it comes to social situations.
 
I don't really know what happens. One minute I'm perfectly fine, and then the next I'm stuttering and apologizing and then I'll probably fall on my butt or call some random lady 'Mum' by accident.
 
And I really hope there's more people like me out there. I'm sorry, but I do, because it would really suck to be the only person in the hallway who falls going up the stairs. Do you know what I mean?
 
So I have decided, my hopefully-not-too-judgemental people, to share my own little anecdotes on some, shall we say, minor social faux pas that I have accidently/awkwardly committed that made me want the ground to swallow me up whole. And I have enlisted Sam and Dean Winchester of Supernatural to help me! *scary fangirls screaming in the distance*
 
Oh, re-living my worst experiences in public. On the Internet. What fun.

 

1. The Oliver Twist Debacle

 
 
This is my friend Brandon's personal favourite. And my worst nightmare come true.
 
You may have read before on this blog (or if you're new, hey there!) that I am a tiny little bit of a theatre geek. (Don't cry for me Arg-en-tin-aaaaah! If you get the reference I'll reward you with a virtual hug). And as a self-confessed theatre enthusiast, it was only natural for me to want to take part in our school musical, Oliver Twist. Back then, I was too young to be allowed to play any of the main cast, and so myself and my just-as-enthusiastic friend Brandon (yes, the same Brandon as above) were only allowed to be in the chorus. Which we didn't mind, because we got to do this little dance-comedy solo where we had to leapfrog across the stage and drink beer. PRETEND BEER, obviously.
 
We loved it. Brandon and I couldn't wait to do our little solo, and we rehearsed it until we could've done it in our sleep. And so by opening night, we were all ready to go....or so I thought.
 
Going back to the solo bit, like I said: we had to leapfrog across the stage and drink (pretend) beer. Obviously the school would not allow for there to be actual liquid in the beer bottles, in case it spilled onto the stage and caused Slipgate, and so the bottles were empty. Bone-dry and completely empty.
 
But someone must have thought it would be funny to fill one of the bottles with water, (I think you can see where this is going), and so when Brandon and I picked up our bottles and pretended to drink....the water came rushing out and covered my vest top.
 
I. Was. Horrified.
 
 
 
For one thing, I didn't know whether they'd seen anything or not. Maybe my spillage had gone unnoticed. Maybe I was in the clear.
 
But then I looked out into the audience and could pinpoint several people, snickering in their seats and chuckling to themselves at the idiot onstage who had spilled water over herself. I was having a mild, internal meltdown by this stage.
 
Then, my knight in pickpocket rags came to the rescue! Brandon improvised (while onstage, with a whole lot of eyes on him) and took off the jacket covering his t-shirt and walking behind me, leaving it on a chair and telling me with his eyes to put the jacket on before people notice you look like a walking wet t-shirt competition!
 
I mouthed a quick thank you and sat in the chair, pulling the jacket over me. And I was safe.
 
Until I got backstage, where there was a crowd of costumed orphans giggling at the girl who'd spilled Niagara Falls Armageddon all over herself.
 
Oh, the joy of high school peer-judgement.
 
______________________________________________________________________
 
 
 
Phew. That wasn't too horrible, was it? I'm reliving that little nightmare in my head right now, and it isn't looking too pretty....
 
Let's continue, quickly, before I lose the nerve to do so!
 

2. The Starbucks Barista Crisis

 
I hate those people who work behind counters. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they're genuinely nice people in real life, and maybe they make a pretty decent cup of hot chocolate every once in a while like a normal human being. But something about those scary authority figures that ask me about five times 'do I want a bag?' scares me more so than if the Joker jumped out of my closet with a sledgehammer and an electric chainsaw.
 
I blame the pressure of actually having to make decisions. It just scares me a bit, okay? Some people are afraid of fire, some people are afraid of spiders or their teachers....and I'm scared of people who work in customer service.
 
So needless to say, Starbucks is one place I should totally NOT have been in. There were about four baristas behind this one really long, glossy counter, wearing their signature aprons and smiling warmly at any potential customer who so much as sniffed the air outside their workplace.
 
Except for one. A tall, mountainous lady with dark hair and large hands that looked like they could kill someone with a single slap. Actually, judging by the expression on her face, I'm guessing that was precisely what she wanted to do: she looked as though the next teen hipster who ordered a low-fat Frappuccino was going to be thrown out into oncoming traffic
 
 
Thankfully, she was serving some other unfortunate soul further down the line, and so I got a plucky redhead who was actually, in retrospect, very cheerful.
 
But I still felt a bit anxious. Is that weird? She asked me what I wanted and I panicked, and I managed to unscramble my messy little thoughts into two separate ones: I am thirsty and it is warm outside.
 
 So I quickly glanced up at the banner above me, all the time very much aware of the barista's growing impatience, and managed to say "Iced green tea, please?"
 
(It was the first thing I saw on the banner, give me a break)
 
And the barista smiled, "Right away, love", and headed out to collect my order.
 
I breathed a colossal sigh of relief. Phew, I thought. Glad that's over. Now I just need to-
 
STOMP. STOMP. My head snapped up and with horror I recognised the sour barista I had noticed
before, marching over to me like a soldier about to cry 'ATTTAAACCKKK!"
 
 
I shook to the base of my core. My bones shook and clanked together like church bells. I was certain that if the wind was strong enough, I would fall over like as though I were made of feathers.
 
Sour Sally (yes, this is what I am calling her) loomed over me like a beast from a child's worst nightmare, her upper lip curled into a snarl. For a moment, I thought she was going to lean over like some sort of Dementor and rip the soul from my body.
 
Instead, I got a gruff and fed-up "Whaddaya want?"
 
I blinked. "S-Sorry?"
 
"WHADDAYA WANT???"
 
"U-Um, I've already, uh-"
"WHAH?"
 
By now, I'd noticed some of the people in the line giving me funny looks. Who was this girl who couldn't even order a simple coffee? Needless to say, that didn't exactly help matters.
 
Then, Heaven be blessed, the kindly redhead from earlier re-appeared like an angel descending from above. I could've jumped across the counter and hugged her.
 

"Is there a problem here?" She asked, smile still etched onto her face. "Linda, it's alright, I've got hers..."
 
Sour Sally (real name = Linda) grunted, one eyebrow raised slightly. "Buh, I thought tha'-"
 
Redhead gave her an odd look, as if to say 'get out of here of else I ain't gonna be smiling much longer', and then Sour Sally shot me one last filthy look before stomping away, back up whatever beanstalk she'd come down from.
 
By now, I just wanted to leave. Iced tea or not, I wanted to get out of there. I quickly collected my drink and tore down the aisle of people waiting to be served, arriving at the table my mother was sitting at with my sister, ready to ask if they wanted to leave and then-
 
SPLASH.
 
I. Spilled. My. Drink.
 
All over the table, my sister, the floor......
 
And across the room, Sour Sally shot me the darkest, most lethal glower I have ever witnessed.
 
 __________________________________________________________________________
 
 
 Remind me, why did I start this again?

Oh yeah, to embarrass myself on the Internet. Fun.

You know, I think I'll stop here. There's a lot more I could say, but this post is dangerously long already and I have a feeling I've already left a pretty....odd....impression on you beautiful people. There's no need to torture you any longer.

Well, it's been fun, folks. There's nothing like reliving your own personal nightmares to make you feel good about yourself.

I think next time, I'll just do a book review or something.


Farewell, Internet!

- Sunset xx



 
 
 
 

10 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to "The Starbucks Barista Crisis." At least now I know I'm not the only one!!

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    1. THERE ARE OTHERS! I AM NOT ALONE IN NAVIGATING THE STRUGGLES OF CUSTOMER SERVICE!

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  2. I feel very intimidated whenever I go to Starbucks, which is why I don't go that often, LOL. Everyone else but me always seems to know exactly what they want and spews out these complicated orders while I'm still trying to figure out what they call the smallest sized cup in there. :D And I love musical theater, too! One of the things I miss about living in New York is being able to go to Broadway shows.

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    1. It's my DREAM to go to New York and see Phantom of the Opera! I can't believe you lived in New York THAT IS SO COOL!

      And amen to the Starbucks fiasco. I just get nervous around their staff for some reason, you know? And it's not just that place: supermarkets, clothes stores, etc....

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  3. Its not every day I come across a blogger who has such a fantastic sense of humour. This idea is so insightful. I'm also quite the theatre enthusiaat (and yes, I get the reference :) *virtual hug*. Definitely following.

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    1. Thank you! xxx and YES YOU GET THE REFERENCE! *lifetime virtual hugs*. It means so much to me that you decided to follow, and hopefully I'll see you around the blog sometime! x

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  4. Even though that was a couple of embarrassing moments in time that might make you want to cower in a dark corner somewhere (Speaking from experience here), it's good that you can look back and hopefully have a good laugh. Everyone and I do mean everyone has embarrassing things happen to them that they would like to forget about. It's good to laugh about them when you can. You have a way with words and you are funny, you made me laugh and that's always a good thing.

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    1. Thanks, Mary! At the time of these little 'mishaps', I was absoloutely mortified. But looking back now, I can smile and laugh it off. At least it'll make a good story someday, eh?

      And this is just the tip of the iceberg, my friend: I happen to be a very embarrassment-prone individual.

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