Saturday, 10 September 2016

I Remember Why I Write

 
"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard"
 
 
Sometimes, I begin to question why I write.
 
There will always be this little voice in the back of my head, this overly-negative, very critical voice that constantly whispers c'mon, you can't keep kidding yourself. YOU getting published? Pur-lease. Look at all these brilliant writers. What makes you think that you can be one of them?
 
I look through writing blogs a lot, reading snippets of other people's work and what their ideas are and how the general creative process is going in their world, and I feel a mixture of emotions. I feel happy for them, because they are doing what they love and they are doing it well. I feel in awe, because writing something is hard let alone writing something good.
 
 
And then I feel hopeless, because I begin to believe that negative voice in my head that tells me I'll never be as good as them, I'll never get published and basically what is the point of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys) at all?

But then another voice enters my head. A small, strong voice that I will henceforth refer to as 'My Inner Writer', because this is what it feels like to me.

My inner writer whispers, and somehow it is louder than the shouting of my negativity. Don't listen to them. Remember why you started doing this in the first place.

And then I do remember.

I remember the days I felt emotional, and how when it threatened to boil over I would pick up and pen and write. A poem, a letter, a freewritten piece, just unloading my mess of thoughts onto paper and afterwards feeling as though the huge weight suffocating me and sitting on my chest was lessened slightly, or even that it had vanished completely.

I rememeber the things I've gone through, how writing helped me to cope when everything seemed to go to shit.

I remember being nervous to speak before my class in school, or before performing onstage, and imagining my favourite characters telling me to suck it up and go out there, to summon up every ounce of courage and do what needed to be done. And I'm so glad that I did.

I remember that yes, other writers are amazing. The whole writerly-community is an amazing thing to be a part of, and I am proud of any fellow writer's success.

I also remember that I am amazing too.

I may not be the best writer out there. I may suck at first-person narratives and romance scenes will be the death of me and opening lines may very well give me headaches but I press on regardless. I write when I feel like shit. I write when I feel on top of the world.

But most importantly, I write because I am writer. Words are in my veins and in my blood and I bleed them onto paper and I will continue to do so for as long as I am still breathing.
 
I am a writer.
 
Nobody else on the face of the Earth can write like me. 
 
I also know that I cannot write like anybody else.
 
And that is fine.
 
Because I am a writer.
 
*
 
And that is enough for me.
 
 
 
 
 

Why do you write? Do you ever feel this insecure about your writing sometimes? Do you need to remember what makes you such a unique breed of writer, or do you already know that you're amazing? (You should. Just pointing that out there. You're pretty awesome, whoever you are)

Farewell, Internet!

- Sunset xx










 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 




6 comments:

  1. I'm really happy you found your motivation and confidence. I had to say, I was kinda worried about your writers block, but I'm happy you made it through. Keep on writing. :)

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    1. I was worried too, Catie. It just didn't seem to go away, like one of those bees during summer that won't leave you alone. BUT I AM BACK. I AM MOTIVATED. I HAVE REALISED THE TRUTH OF WRITING. Like Siddahartha at the bonsai tree, I have reached my own form of enlightenment :) Thankyou for the support, and let's get back in business! *awkward happy dance*

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  2. As someone who ran from writing for a long time, for some of the reasons you feel insecure about, I think you've nailed something really important in your post. For certain writers, it's in the blood. Whether you embrace it or you don't, the writing impulse is within you. It's how we vent, it's how we tread water, it's how we express ourselves. Squander it in personal correspondence and journaling (as I did) or put it to use creating masterpieces only you can write, it's your choice.

    But you have to deal with that insecurity first.

    And your little quote at the end about being a writer with something to write that nobody else can, that's the essential part to your writing. That's your literary fingerprint that nobody else can reproduce. You can sit there looking at your hand, worried that your print doesn't match someone else's... or you can just get your hands dirty, do your thing, and give it to the world.

    The takeaway is that nobody can write what you can. Find what unique thing you have to say, and say it.

    As a fledgling writer, and I mean fledgling like I'm not willing to tell people about my writing yet because I'm still not satisfied with how good it is, I've absolutely thought the thoughts in your post. I've avoided writing for years because I wondered what I could possibly add to a world saturated with ideas and noise.

    But I know, deep down, that I've got something. Some idea, some vibe, that will strike a chord with someone somewhere. Some message that is powerful, powerful enough to alter lives or inspire thoughts. I can let it stew within myself, but it will destroy me. So I must figure out the right combination of words, ideas, plots, whatever it is that will express it.

    And maybe that's why I'm starting to write! Write or be destroyed, ha!

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    1. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment! It's true that every writer is unique and special in their own way, and I guess that it took me a while to realise that. I was always trying to speak with a voice that sounded alien to me, like it wasn't mine at all....but now, I'm embracing my individuality, and I can only hope that with YOUR future writing endeavours, you take your own uniqueness and make it into something terrific and original. Good luck for the future! <3

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  3. I LOVE this post! It's beautiful and I totally needed this today.

    I'm also super happy you found your confidence again! You go be a writer, Sunset :) (And I think I'm going to have to use that trick with your characters telling you to suck it up :))

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    1. You should try it! I find it actually really helps. I had to read a speech I had written out to my class today, and I imagined my protagonist (Kace) in my head telling me to stop being such a baby and get over myself :) Worked like a charm.

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