Sunday, 2 April 2017

How To Be Awkward In Public #2 (Aeroplane Edition) - Explained by Chandler Bing


Character Commentary is a series created on Sunset's blog, where she enlists the assistance of various beloved characters from literature/television/reality to explain the mysteries of the universe. She hopes that the fangirls don't swallow her whole for blatantly taking advantage of their beloved cinnamon rolls, and can excuse the excessive sarcasm.


Yes, it hath returned. The series in which I document my worst moments in public for the amusement of the Internet is back, and I am already regretting it.

The last time I did this, the responses I got were generally positive. Most of you out there said that you could relate, and a lot of you seemed to get a good laugh at my expense. So for some reason, I decided hey, brain, you know what we haven't done in a while? Ripped the stuffing out of ourselves on the Internet. Let's do that again, because who doesn't want to ridicule themselves online?

And to assist me in my self-esteem-destroying endeavours, I have enlisted the help of none other than Chandler Bing, a beloved character (and one of my personal favourites) from the television show Friends.


However, I must warn you that this edition of How To Be Awkward In Public has a special twist: I, a world-renowned hermit, ventured outside of my pillow fort and my country to visit the beautiful, bustling city of London for the weekend. It was fabulous, and it was a little awkward, and overall one of the best experiences of my life.

And to celebrate, I have decided to release into the wild the document of my time on the plane to London. It's a story of bustling aisles and the stuff of nightmares and superhero mothers. Later, perhaps I'll tell you some of the awkward-ish experiences I had in the actual city of London, but that's a story for another day.

But enough rambling. It's time for the soul-destroying honesty.

1. The Aeroplane Freakout Misadventure


 

Have you ever been on an aeroplane? My first time on one was when I was really little, and it had been a good couple of years since that long ago plane journey when the time to board our London-bound plane arrived. My mother, my sister, my aunt and myself clutched our hand luggage close to our chests as we stepped onto the massive metal bird that was supposed to carry us across the sky like Aladdin's carpet (albeit a more modern, louder piece of machinery). We strapped ourselves into our seats, my sister next to the window, my aunt beside her in the middle and myself on the outside, and my mother sat in the row of seats directly next to us.



That was our first mistake.

See, my mother is a very calming influence. When I'm in a fluster or get myself a little worked up, good ol' Mother dearest knows how to take a breath and step back from the situation. Which I was going to need in about a couple of hours time. Unfortunately, it would be quite difficult to offer comfort from across an aeroplane aisle, trying to speak between the rushes of passengers walking up and down and stewards asking if we wanted drinks when really what I needed was a parachute and a life jacket so I could jump out of that metal contraption of death back to good, solid ground.

From her oh-so-distant seat across the aisle, my mother asked if I was okay. Her motherly intuition must have set off alarm bells at What's Up With My Child HQ due to my 'barely noticeable' sweat breakout and shortness of breath. Her eyes were full of concern and affection, only wanting to help, and so what did I do?



I nodded quickly and turned away, fastening headphones around my ears and turning up the volume of my calming ambient music (Weightless by Marconi Union, if you're wondering). Because why tell the truth and get your mother to swap seats so she can help you through the flight when you can sit in a turbulence-ridden snare trap and sweat profusely?

So throughout the flight I sat in silence, music blasting in my ears in a vain attempt to distract me from my general thoughts of oh-crap-we're-going-to-die and of course, let's not forget the very cheerful hmm-I-wonder-if-those-safety-positions-would-actually-save-me.


Finally, the moment arrived where the plane began to descend. An announcement was made over the loudspeaker as everybody sat back in their seats, completely and utterly prepared for the slight bumps and movement of a descending and landing plane.

All except one person. A headphone wearing, music-blasting person who had their eyes firmly closed as their chest began to constrict like a snake squeezing the very essence of their soul. I felt the whoosh and movement of descending, and since my headphones had blocked out the announcement and nobody was telling me what was going on, when I switched the music off....

I began to freak out a little.


Headphones off, seatbelt buckled and heart thumping like a wild animal against my ribcage, I looked across the aisle for my mother's reassurance and she smiled, reaching a hand towards me to hold my own...

And that was when the bump happened.

The bump of hitting the ground.

But of course, silly confused me hadn't looked out the window for fear of passing out, and had neglected to hear the announcement that we were descending, and was too busy trying not to scream to recognise the obvious signals of a descending plane (air whoosh, etc.) and so when I felt the quite large bump-thump of the plane hitting the ground-

"MUM, MUM, MUM, OHMYGOD, MUM!"


I am not joking.

In front of numerous strangers, staring at the weirdo shouting for their mother, and my laughing sister who found my outburst so very amusing, I began to cry with fear and shouted for my mother like the kid in camp who got homesick.

Luckily, my mother managed to calm me down and reassure me (at least fifty times) that we were on the ground, that the bump I felt wasn't the plane engine randomly deciding to hit the kill switch or the pilot taking a heart attack, and that we were safely on earth once again.

Stepping off the plane, I almost kissed the ground with happiness.


The moral of this story?

For the love of God, sit beside your mother on a plane.


Well, that wasn't as terrible as it might have been. Do any of you guys get scared on planes? Who else hates flying? Do you have any calm-me-down tricks or tips? Or did you just have a good laugh and a pity party on my behalf?

Either way, make sure to let me know in the comments below! Oh, and should I release the London edition of How To Be Awkward? TELL ME PLEASE!

- Sunset xx

7 comments:

  1. I used to be terrified of airplane flying (especially when landing and descending) but now I'm just like, "Meh." There's still a bit of me that worries on the inside, though.

    xoxo Abigail Lennah

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    1. I hope to one day be in your position of 'meh', Abigail. I don't know what happened, I mean I've been in planes when I was younger, but I guess i'm just more aware of the little things and the bumps and thumps and sounds that - you know - scare the crap out of me.

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  2. I just found your blog, dear, and oh my gosh I love it so much!!
    I feel so terrible for you, because I LOVE airplanes and flying so much!! I have flown quite a bit in my day- gosh that makes me sound old.. what I mean is, I have flown around the numerous countries as a missionary with my family. And I wish I could own a plane and stay up in the sky for ever and ever amen.
    Not so comforting I guess... Woops...
    :)
    But anyway, I love the way you told this story!! It was captivating, fun, and I literally felt my stomach drop as you described going down. That must have been horrible!!! I am so sorry!!
    Hmmm I think you should. I went to London to visit my sister a few years ago and loved it!! I would love to hear all about it again!!

    Definitely got yourself a new follower! ;)
    ~E

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    1. Thanks Esther! I'm glad you find flying such an enjoyable experience, and hopefully you get that plane of your own someday! Thanks for such a sweet comment, and perhaps I will post about my (mis)adventures in London soon!

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    2. Thanks!! I hope so too ;P
      You're welcome! Though sorry it was a bit long... I tend to ramble...
      Looking forward to it, as well as many more posts from you!!

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  3. I'm not really afraid of flying on a plane but if it feels like something is going wrong being the jumpy person I am I probably would panic a little. Great post!

    I've nominated you to do The Cramm Award, if you don't have time don't worry about it. But just to let you know :-)

    ~ Rukiya

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    1. Preach on the panicking front, Rukiya. And THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE NOMINATION GAHH! I'll try and do it soon, promise!

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